Down The Rabbit Hole

You know life is funny. But, right now,  I am not laughing. There really are days when I want to give the finger to the universe! I mean who doesn't?

I dig the Zen movement, I align myself with positiveness, I say Namaste, I like to sit under trees, talk to the moon. I have been known douche myself with essential oil to zen myself out, while also yelling curse words. True story.  

I sage out my bad juju - hold a crystal or two and I am eternally grateful for the good stuff in life. You get the point. 

Yup, I even say daily mantras. I am that person and I am cool with that.

Then there are times when the word namaste is not going to cut it. No damn way, no damn how. Sometimes I don't see or feel your soul, but, I definatley recognize your humanness. 

Being intune, being open to thought and mindfull of feelings and being spiritual doesn't mean I am mindfull all the time. Actually probably more mindless from time to time, than mindful.

Why is that you might ask? Because I am also a human being, having very human experiences. And in this positivist movement, it can be hard to remember feelings are meant to be felt. Anger, frustration, sadness are part of being human. 

Where did this idea of staying in your lane ALL THE TIME and keeping it blissfully positive ALL THE TIME even start? And who the hell started it?! Well, we probably can't be friends, whomever you are.

So sometimes the Universe gets the finger and I move on. Cheers!

For atleast the length of this post, let's recognize that life is not all unicorns and rainbows all the time shall we? Please. For. The. Love. Of. God. 

If I see one more blog post, facebook post or magazine article saying "keep it positive" "think happy thoughts" or "cheer up sunshine" I am going to vomit in someones shoes. Not mine of course - I can't be bothered to clean up my own mess up all the time right? Kidding, just kidding- sort of.

Truthfully - cut yourself some slack. I am. Tomorrow I will be probably be back to glitter and sunshine and if I am not, then ok.

But for right now I am going to give myself some time to just be. Not try and change my shit, or talk myself happy or meditate my way to a frickin happy place but;  just be. 

Until I decide I am over it, that is.  And then I shall dust myself off and move on from whatever it is I need to move on from.

Will I get upset, pissed off, disalusioned and disappointed again? Well, I sure hope so.

If one doesn't allow a little rain in their life once in a while then one tires from the sun, unable to appreciate it's warmth right?

Oh, did you catch that? Yup, damn straight I just justified my feelings, because I can and you can too. Perhaps not for too long though, justification can be a bitch when she wants to be.

So I say feel those feels whatever they may be and then keep it moving sunshine. 

I will soon choose to be more mindful, grounded and patient. But, not today my friend, not today.

Sometimes you just gotta go down that rabbit hole to see if you like the view. And keeping it real here, the view is not so wonderful. Kind of like, meh. So I will have my meh with a side of "sometimes you just wanna throw out a good throat punch." Ha!

As my grandmother always said, "this too shall pass". And it will. I say this with my middle finger still high in the air and a  awkwardly empowered smile on my face. 

So with that I say; Namaste y'all!